Through the Looking Glass

Myth: Being a great liar makes you immune to others' lies. 

Fact: Liars are just as gullible as anyone else.  In fact, they're even more susceptible to little, run-of-the-mill lies, because they're constantly on the lookout for grand retellings of mundane events. Actually, a true liar is usually busy comparing your dull, seemingly unembellished story to the amazing, perfectly detailed version he or she would have told, and probably isn't paying attention to what you're saying, at all. 

I also like to think that liars are pure-hearted innocents, and they naturally love and accept everyone and every story.  Like unicorns. 

Anyway, I first became aware of my gullibility a couple of weeks ago, when talking with one of my cousins.  We chatted about kids, jobs, music and airport security before turning the conversation to our siblings. 

Quick background: my brother lives in Taiwan; as a result, my relatives always ask what he's doing over there, and answering, "Hanging out with Taiwanese people" never seems to be a sufficient response. 

Anyway, I think my cousin forgot which Asian country currently hosts my brother, because he asked how it was going "over in Red China." 

I told him that things were probably fine in Red China, but my brother was in Taiwan.  The cousin's response?

"Oh, yeah.  He's in Green China, then." 

I was confused-- after all, I pride myself on knowing absolutely everything about everything, except maybe the rules to Deal or No Deal.  My cousin (seemingly) didn't understand my confusion. 

"Yeah, you've never heard Taiwan called Green China before?"

"Um, no.  Is that a thing?"

"Yeah! OK, so you know how the whole 'Red China' thing refers to communism?"  Yes.  I'm gullible, but I know stuff.  "Well, since Taiwan used to be a Chinese territory (insert long, well-informed discussion of history and international politics), and it's like the non-Communist version of China, it's called Green China.  See?"

He kept going for awhile, even talking about how, as a country, Taiwan's making huge environmental efforts, and it's earning all kinds of international renown.  I was totally on the hook, until my cousin's conscience took over, and he ruined the whole thing by telling me the truth. 

He and I are very different people, obviously. 

I was duped again yesterday, during a discussion about snack foods.  A co-worker of mine was heating a hot dog in the break room, and I made a face at him (I like to pretend that I'm a vegan.  No idea why). When he saw my judgy, meat-hating expression, he rolled his eyes and told me to "relax, it's a veggie dog." 

"Really?"

He nodded.  "Mmm-hhmm.  It's made from carrots and soybeans-- so much better for you than the gross meat ones." 

"Ohmigod, it even smells like the meat kind! Where'd you buy it?" 

"Have you seen the Veggie King brand at Target? It's sooooo good! I don't eat meat anymore." 

He had me until the last sentence.  Let this be a lesson for all prospective liars: the lie lives or dies in the details.  For instance, if you want someone to believe that you don't eat meat, you should probably remember that you ate ribs in front of them two days earlier. 

Because generalizations are pretty much the worst things ever (except Nazis.  Or Justin Bieber fans), please realize that this isn't a concrete rule of the universe.  Happy, lie-for-no-reason liars may love hearing a ridiculous yarn; however, meaner-spirited liars probably won't enjoy even the occasional flight of fancy.  

Therefore, my advice is this: Before lying, it's probably wise to gauge the level of sociopathic tendency in your lie target. 

Confession: I may have "improved upon" the example lies a little.  It's just... every story has room for improvement.