Sparkle Motion and Me

The year: 2004.  My junior prom had just ended, and in the wake of that Great Defining Life Moment, my date decided that he and I needed a movie night.  I hadn't yet seen Donnie Darko, and since that made me "so lame!!!" we decided to kick off things with Richard Kelly's cult classic.

Twenty minutes later, I fell asleep. I didn't have a clue what the movie was about, and I honestly believed that I dreamed the creepy lurking bunny thing.   


Nevertheless, as the credits rolled and my date turned the lights back on, he beamed at me and asked, "So... what'd you think?!?!?!"

That's right-- a 17-year-old boy was more enraptured with Donnie Darko than the 16-year-old girl sitting on the couch.  I'm not sure whose self-esteem needs to take a hit from that.

Deep inside, I really am a sweet, sensitive girl (insert your snort of derision here, if you wish), and I didn't want to insult someone's favorite movie.  This was clearly  before Twilight came out, and I got a chance to hone my mocking skills.  So, I gave a statement that went along these lines:

"Ohmigod, it was so good! You're right-- it balances nihilism and black humor so well.  But hey, I'm pretty tired, and think I'll head home. Night!"

And that should've been that.  Also, it bears mentioning that until this very moment, I didn't even realize that I'd lied.  However, a brief, "I liked that movie," lie doesn't merit an entire blog post.  Instead, we're going to explore the Donnie Darko rabbit hole (pun a little bit intended).

Like Mr. Darcy in Pride & Prejudice, Jake Gyllenhaal's Donnie has followed me through the years.  I didn't re-face it for the remainder of high school; thankfully, quirky indie movies aren't terribly popular amongst East Tennessee teenagers.

College, however, brought me to an Honors dorm in a Nashville suburb.  And guess what? Nerds love Donnie Darko (I use the term "nerds" super-lovingly, by the way). 

Four years and six viewings later, I finally gleaned the gist of the movie.  A guy in a bunny suit follows Jake Gyllenhaal around, a plane crashes, the greatest songs in the history of the world play in the background and a woman says that she "doubts [some other woman's] commitment to Sparkle Motion!" 

Have you ever heard a sentence, and just known that it would change your life forever? For Sparkle Motion and me, it was love at first listen.  We split up briefly in 2007, when Daniel Day-Lewis uttered the immortal "I drink your milkshake!" line, and that enjoyed a moment in the sun as my go-to response for... just about everything.

Most of the time, however, I tell people that I doubt their commitment to Sparkle Motion.  It works in dozens of situations: at work, on dates, trying to organize sorority reunions.  As such, most people assume that I'm a complete Darko fangirl.  This, despite the fact that I've yet to make it through the entire film. 

Someone called me out on it last month.  A friend texted me, and said, "Um, Ash? You know how you throw around that 'Sparkle Motion' quote all the time? Have you actually seen Donnie Darko? I just did, and I gotta say, it doesn't seem like a 'you' movie." 

Busted.  However, that friend lives about 300 miles away, so I've still felt pretty safe keeping up the facade, and pulled it out a couple of days ago, when trying to convince a co-worker to help me revive the phrase "rollin' with the homies" (don't judge me!!!).

He refused, and when I promptly questioned his Sparkle Motion allegiances, he finally asked what in the hell I was talking about.  I cited the movie, and he responded with,

"Oh.  You must really love that movie, huh, since you say that all the time? I've never seen it."

An honest, decent person would reply, "I've never seen it, either, really!"  However, I came back with:

"You can't have a Pretentious Kids movie marathon without Donnie Darko! It's like having a breakup without Ben & Jerry's and Meg Ryan.  Or an emo phase without Death Cab for Cutie. Seriously, how have you made it through life without seeing it?! You must be the last person on earth. Jeez." 

And that is why I pride myself on my lies.  It's physically impossible for me to just say, "Oh, yeah, I saw Donnie Darko.  It was OK."  My lie not only keeps going, but it also becomes an integral part of my Ashlean lingo.

Donnie Darko also stands as one of the rare times when I lie to misrepresent myself; in this case, by pretending that I enjoy an indie movie that's weirdly popular among my ex-boyfriends.  Lord knows why, since the normal reaction to an ex-boyfriend's favorite movie is, "Ohmigod, that movie sucked.  I'm glad we broke up, so I can stop pretending to like it," even if the movie's something great, like Star Trek or Death to Smoochy. 

Things I Learned in this Post: I can't spell the word "commitment." I ran spellcheck, and it was misspelled every single time.  Way to go, Kingsport City Schools!

I was also incredibly sleepy while writing this, and had to check my own Facebook page to remember some of my actual favorite movies.  Truth.